Imma Cowboy!!!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!

Something new?

Around December 2009 I was lost and felt like my life had no meaning. My only hope was that my children would not turn out like me and my failures would serve as a lesson. I wanted my children to understand that I failed in life but through my failure I would hope they would be driven to succeed. I knew that if I died I would only leave my children a life lesson. I had no money, assets, or legacy to pass on. All I could hear my boys say as they stood over my coffin was, “I never want to be like him,” and I was ok with that. As long as I could inspire them to do better than I, I wouldn’t die in vain. My friends thought I was loser, my family didn’t have too many expectations from me, and most of all I believed with all my heart, I was a certified LOSER! One day it hit me; my life is worth more than that! My children deserved better, I deserved better and I needed to make a change. I was tired of feeling like a loser. I had experienced some pretty amazing things in my life but most, if not all, came at the expense of someone else. I had fun on someones dime, time, and hard work. I was tired of that! I was tired of people telling me who I was. I would no longer live vicariously through someones success. I was going to make my own way and even if it killed me I would rather people say, I died trying! So I got on the internet and got on one of those college web sites that advertise general degree programs and waited. I’m not sure how long it took but an enrollment advisor from San Marcos gave me a call. Our conversation was quick and easy. I told the EA, “If you can get me in, I’ll go.” I didn’t know anything about the University of Phoenix. I could have been signing up for cooking classes for all I knew. I had to do something. I completed the application over the phone and received a call to show up at the orientation. As I sat in orientation in room 21 at KM, thoughts of doubt kept going through my head. I had failed the handful of times I tried junior college and I thought what is going to make this time different. As I sat through orientation my confidence began to build. I started to feel better about my decision. However, I still didn’t know what UOPX was all about. A few weeks later I had my first class, GEN 195. As with anything that attended, I sat in the back. Sitting in the back was my mechanism for avoidance. If I could sit in the back I could avoid the message. Whatever the message was or could be, I knew sitting in the back would keep me safe from it. Whatever messages people wanted me to listen to would only make me realize how horrible my life was, therefore, I didn’t want to hear the message. I wanted to sit there and when it was time to go, I hoped that I could revisit the message on my own, somehow.